'It's All About Control'. Stalking: A Crime On The Rise In New Zealand
May 13, 2018 | Security
When Jane* received a beautiful bunch of flowers at work her colleagues thought it a desperately romantic gesture. For Jane it was a message: "I know where you are".
She had tried to disappear, changed jobs several times, deleted her digital profile. But her former partner-turned-stalker always found her.
Stalking is a very real part of domestic abuse in New Zealand and as we discovered, it's frighteningly common. Statistics are difficult to come by but one security specialist and former detective, Darren Morton, says globally, around one in 4-7 women and one in 6-13 men have experienced stalking.
That doesn't surprise Dr Ang Jury, chief executive of Women's Refuge.
Unfortunately, she says, it rings true.
Stalking is a sinister crime
A SINISTER CRIME
The behaviour that often begins after women have attempted to leave an abusive partner can only be described as stalking - attempts to find out where they have gone, drive-bys of schools, workplaces, homes.
It's a common complaint by women who turn to Women's Refuge, says Jury. It is also a particularly harrowing crime.
Jury says it's all about control. Stalking leaves the victim feeling impotent, like whatever they do, they can't escape: "It undermines a victim's entire sense of self-efficacy. It makes victims angry and very afraid and it does shade into anxiety that verges on paranoia, but justified paranoia in many cases."
Disturbingly, a regular job undertaken by refuge volunteers, Jury tells, is cutting trees back on a victim's property to deprive stalkers of a easy hiding place.
The development of technology has made stalking a lot easier, she says.
"Technological stalking is an attractive option because it's easy to be anonymous and it makes it easier to observe from afar.
"It's become commonplace for us to advise women on how to get their security settings right. The only way to be totally safe is to not be on Facebook at all, but many women are already isolated - they don't go out much and Facebook is their only connection to the wider world. Telling them to get off it is not really fair."
Dr Ang Jury, CEO of Women's Refuge
Being taken seriously by police depends on who you strike on any particular day, she says.
"Some police officers are attuned to the subtleties and nuances and they get it. Others.. maybe still carry a few attitudes that don't lend themselves to believing the unbelievable... could do with a bit more training."
But stalking is difficult to gather evidence on, Jury concedes.
It's notoriously difficult to get evidence on someone who may be prowling around your house, for example, unless police are there on the spot. It's hard to track down a witness...particulars needed for a successful prosecution, she says.
"... the way most victims get over it [stalking] is by hiding. They leave town, they change their jobs, change their kids schools, they disappear off social media." However, disappearing isolates victims further, Jury says, and being forced to delete a digital profile can curtail career movement and other opportunities.
'HELL' FOR VICTIMS
Security specialist and former detective Darren Morton says technology has made stalking more complex to investigate and more difficult to get a conviction.
Stalking is on the rise, says private investigator Reon Viles from Wellington Investigations, who goes as far as to call it a "growth industry" now that everyone has the tools in their pockets (mobile phones) to secretly or overtly follow someone.
"Fewer interpersonal interactions and the capacity to put so much personal information online has given rise to the phenomenon of stalking," Viles says.
Around 50 per cent of his stalking cases are cyber related, says Viles.
"If you want to find information about someone, the internet is the holy grail. Anyone with time and average tech knowledge can easily peek into someone's private life. Forget election tampering, we are an open book online."
Stalkers are more commonly men, Viles says, estimating the ratio to be 70per cent male and 30 percent female.
Stalking is a crime often associated with domestic abuse.
Security specialist and former detective Darren Morton says technology has made stalking more complex to investigate and more difficult to get a conviction on the side of the police and the victim, and easier for the offender to perpetrate, Morton says.
It's crucial to be able to present a case to the police against a stalker, he says. Victims should collect as much evidence as possible, starting with a diary to keep a timeline, texts, a record of phone calls, and telling others what's going on, he says.
But care needs to be taken in dealing with offenders because the vast majority of people who stalk have some form of psychological issue, Morton warns.
"If a case of stalking is not dealt with correctly, it can have dire results for the victim."
Morton says the judiciary have a way to go in dealing with stalking cases that actually make it to court.
"The sentences being handed out don't totally reflect the fear and damage done to the victims. I think the judiciary needs to realise how much of a problem stalking is...
"This is not just someone who has had their handbag stolen. For a victim this is something they live and breathe. Every decision they make during the day is made based on their stalker. It's 24/7 hell for some of these victims."
In the meantime, what can victims do?
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A police spokesperson says people who fear for their safety can seek a restraining order, or if the victim has been in a domestic relationship with the accused, they may apply for a protection order, which means the abuser can be arrested if they approach, hurt or threaten the applicant or their children. But getting it to stop can be very difficult, as the following stories show.
Stuff carried out interviews with four New Zealand women aged between 25 and 50. All chose to remain anonymous for privacy reasons.
Dr Ang Jury, CEO of Women's Refuge, says a regular job undertaken by refuge volunteers is cutting trees back on a victim's property, to deprive stalkers of a easy hiding place.
It took Lisa* five attempts to leave her husband. It was only afterwards she discovered he'd been stalking her.
"For most of my marriage, my husband was controlling narcissist. Our relationship spiraled into a state from which it couldn't recover.
It took me close to a year to prepare to leave. I had to stockpile money and food and clothing for the children. During this time of preparation, when he was still living at home, he'd arrive back from work to me standing in the kitchen feeling my heart thumping in my chest but with a smile painted on my face. I felt so afraid that he would uncover my plan to escape.
Once I left, things completely unravelled. He broke into my house several times. On one occasion he stuck photos of himself all over the walls. My dad helped to change all the locks on the house and had dead locks installed. The front windows only had sunshade blinds, which at night didn't provide any privacy at all. It became my late afternoon ritual to go around hanging blankets over all my windows. I lived with weapons in every room of the house. I still do.
It was only after I left I came to realise just how controlling and unstable he was. I employed a company who specialise in debugging homes and they discovered that he'd been tracking me via GPS on the iPhone he'd bought for me years before.
The forensic computer specialist I hired to check my laptop discovered he'd set up a surveillance system on it so he could remotely log in at his work to read all of my emails.
Since leaving him, I have gained my gun licence, I've bought a Rottweiler dog and I've learned martial arts. I am active in charity work to end violence and abuse towards women.
I want my story to be a message of possibilities, hope and freedom.
There is life after divorcing a narcissist. Even though the battle is long."
Jane* spent eight years trying to outrun her stalker.
"To those who met him, John* was charming. A likable guy. In the early days he spoiled me and as an 18 year-old I was flattered by his attention.
But within months he became a controlling, violent narcissist.
I was beaten and punched across the room. I was pinned up against walls. I lived with an overwhelming fear, all the time thinking he will eventually kill me.
I tried to leave him six times before I walked away for good two years later.
But he wouldn't let me go.
The stalking started with silent and obscene phone calls and progressed from there.
I changed jobs four times in two years. Each time I got a job he would find me and get a job close by so he could see what I was doing and who I was talking to.
My colleagues thought I was a lucky girl when I received flowers from him at work, but for me it was a message, "I know where you are".
After work he would shadow me to the bus stop and stare at me as I got on the bus. The drivers would tell me to sit behind them where they could make sure I was safe.
The phone calls when I was home alone were frightening. They were persistent - one after the other, heavy breathing or silence - but it was more frightening when they stopped. I used to wonder if he was on his way to the house.
There was never any peace in my life. I was always emotionally and mentally drained. It affected my work and my friendships.
When I reported the calls to police, they set me up with Telecom to trace the calls but I was intimidated by the police interview and a subsequent meeting at Telecom. I felt exposed telling people things that are intensely private and frightening. No one ever offered a tissue or sympathy.
I felt isolated, cut off. It was almost like living in an impenetrable bubble where no one could protect me. But "he" could get to me.
It all died down for a year while I went away to study but he found me again when I started a new job and the nightmare started again. The phone calls, the awful confrontations in public.
I used to wish he was dead because I thought that was the only way I would be free of him, but I felt awful that I could wish that upon anyone else. That's not who I am.
It wasn't till I got married, changed my name and moved away that he stopped, eight years after it all began. But I don't take any risks. I have no Facebook profile, no digital footprint. You won't find me online. My friends know not to post my picture on their timelines.
I have moved on and don't live in constant fear anymore but I am always aware. This sort of experience stays with you.
Even writing this makes me want to climb into the bottom of my wardrobe and shut the door to feel safe."
Jasmine's* experience of being stalked was short, but hard to forget.
"I was living in a two-bedroom timber cottage in the middle of the bush with no neighbours.
My flatmate was working out of town and a lone goat in the paddock down the drive was my only companion.
I'd left work late and gone home, straight to bed when a ping from my bedside table roused me from a deep sleep. Ignoring it I pulled the sheets over my face.
Ping, ping, ping.
I rolled over and grabbed my phone. It was after 2am.
Facebook messages lined my phone from a man I didn't know.
'Hello Jasmine. I like your smile.'
I locked my phone thinking I'd update my privacy settings in the morning.
Short, one-lined messages followed every 30 seconds.
'It's quiet tonight, isn't it?'
My heart started to race.
He told me he'd just finished work, and followed a long, dark road he hadn't been down before, just so he could talk to me.
I told myself to breathe. Think. Calm down. Listen.
'I go by your work every day,' a message said.
He started to tell me he liked to overpower strong women. He thought I was one of them. The messages were graphic and he said he was high.
Everything outside my house was dark, silent.
I turned off my phone and crept across the floorboards trying not to draw a breath or make a sound. No light. Like a mouse.
The toilet was an old out-house. It had a slide bolt that locked from the inside.
I sat on the toilet until I heard the early morning birds rouse from their beds. Every creak of a tree or crackle of the night made me sweat.
I managed about an hour of sleep before I readied for work and went into the office two hours early.
As soon as I walked through the door I burst into tears. My colleague calmed me and came with me to report it to the police.
I needed proof, though, so I logged into my account to print out the messages.
It had been about five hours since they started and they hadn't stopped - two messages every minute. They covered about 40 A4 pages. The sight of them made me feel physically sick.
At the station an officer scanned through a couple of the pages as I sat across the table in a dank room off the reception area.
If anyone had sent his daughter messages like this, he'd want to knock their block off, he said.
I was told there was probably not a lot they could do because cyber-crime allowed anonymity and fake accounts.
He searched the system and said a man by that name lived nearby.
But someone could have taken his name to contact me, the policeman said. If the man denied the contact it was the end of the line.
He gave me some tips about updating my online privacy settings and promised he'd call after police visited this man's house.
The phone never rang.
The messages did stop. But, for at least six months I scanned people every time I stepped outside my office, made sure someone was always with me and took a different route home every day.
Time passed and I eventually moved out of the cottage.
I thought I had recovered. Forgotten. But you never forget.
Even as I write this, my heart races and my hands have grown weak.
I bumped up my online security but I know deep down if someone wants to find you it's easy.
I still panic when I see a message request.
Jay's* stalker tracked her down despite her efforts to disappear.
I met my partner while I was in a vulnerable time in my life. The control and emotional abuse began within the first few months.
The physical abuse started out as a slap or spitting in my face or breaking household items in a rage. We were together for five years. As our relationship progressed the violence and control escalated and became more regular.
After being strangled and suffocated to the point of unconsciousness, I left.
I went to Women's Refuge and had a protection order in no time.
But I continued to receive abuse and threats on my phone. My friends and family were also receiving multiple messages from him asking of my whereabouts. There were messages of abuse and false accusations to turn them against me.
One night he tracked me down and assaulted me.
He was arrested days later. A few of the many charges laid against him were assault, breach of protection order, and threatening to kill. He went to jail but was released on bail shortly after. He continued to breach his bail and protection orders.
Because of the negotiations sought by his lawyer for pleading guilty he was sentenced to four months home detention.
I feel I was let down by the justice system in many ways and have given up trying to further my personal justice. Since I have left the safe house my kids and I are happy and living a stable life. I continue to strive towards a positive future and have chosen to follow a career in social work.
I still feel unsafe on a daily basis and have to watch my back. I always will I think, but I now feel strong as an individual and I'm not ashamed to stick up for myself.
Sarah* is still not free of her stalker more than a decade after her nightmare began.
I met Andrew* through work, I was a young graduate starting out and he was a manager. I didn't like him and I think he saw my dislike of him as a challenge.
When I broke up with my boyfriend, Andrew was there for me. He took me out for nice dinners. He was appreciative and inclusive.
It was all very romantic but the warning signs of controlling behaviour soon began. He wanted to know what I was doing every moment of every day.
I found out much later that everything he said to me was a complete fabrication.
Early in our relationship I moved away from my family. I had no contact with them for most of the next decade.
During that time, I experienced extreme domestic violence, but as an educated young woman I didn't see myself as abused or as needing help, I only saw the man I cared for as being deeply troubled and in need of psychological help.
Each time there was a serious assault, I would end the relationship. The cycle would then start with Andrew apologising for hurting me, promising not to do it again, sending me gifts and asking me to forgive him. And I would.
When I ended it once more, I started receiving threats from him that he would kill himself. I continued to seek help for him not myself.
I would receive hundreds of phone calls and text messages from him at home and at my work. If I didn't respond he would come looking for me at work, at my flat, my parents home. He wouldn't let me go.
I allowed him back into my life to stop the harassment and tried to focus on my work. I thought it would give me breathing space to establish a safety plan to exit the relationship permanently. It took a lot of patience, pain, and at times absolute despair. The day I left for good was like an awakening, it truly felt like I was free to live my life the way I dreamed of.
But I wasn't free. He continued to be obsessed with my new life. I called the police many times. Eventually, one attack on me led him to court and an admission of guilt but as a result of a plea deal without my knowledge, he was free to walk away without a conviction.
The stalking was relentless. He hid in my neighbour's property and took photos of me and my new husband and sent them to us.
He followed us, making sure we knew he was watching us.
I sought help from the Police, Women's Refuge, support groups and the courts. I thought I would be protected. But this couldn't be further from reality. The protection I had in place didn't stop him.
When police tried to stop him, the courts would only issue warnings. Thereafter, any breaches were ignored, and my complaints to the police went unactioned. He still torments me and my family. He talks freely of his revenge plan to destroy my life, emotionally and financially.
I know what usually comes next with a dangerously obsessive man like Andrew.
All I can do is wait, I wait to die.
* not their real names
THE FACTS
- Stalking (and cyber stalking) is not defined by the Crimes Act as an offence (1961). The behaviour in each case is classified according to the most appropriate offence category, for example harassment or threatening behaviour.
- Last year, 2264 people faced court action on the charge of Threatening Behaviour and 100 on Harassment and Private Nuisance charges.
- Figures from Jan-Feb (2018) show 22 people have faced Harassment and Private Nuisance proceedings and 402 faced Threatening Behaviour proceedings.
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- Article originally on stuff.co.nz.
